Fear..

She opened her eyes and found herself to be in the hospital room, in Chennai Apollo hospital. She was 10 years old, and didn't understand why she was there. Her parents looked at her with sympathy and felt helpless.

"Why am I here? I don't like this place can we go out of here?"

Her mother said," Just for few days you have to be here, some medical checkups have to performed. Nothing has happened to you."

"Why cannot we come to the hospital everyday and get the check-up done instead of staying here? Also, I heard the food is not good in the hospital."

"Just few days more my dear child, the doctor want to keep you under observation for some days so that's why you are here"

A nurse came up to her with a big injection and a girl screamed out ,"I cannot take this injection,it so big". Her mother said,"You will not realize the pain lets the say devi mantra together". Everyday she had few tests and some injections followed by the rounds of mantra.Every few hours the doctor came up to her and asked how is she doing.

A week passed by with so many injections and medicines, and everyday she heard from her mother,"Just few more days then we can go home."

One early morning, around 4:00 she was awaken up by her mother. As she opened her eyes she found the nurse, doctor, her father, and a few relatives. The nurse was putting the medicine on her chest and the girl wondered what happened as everybody looked grim , and she asked her mother"What happened, why everybody is here so early ?"

"Just a X-Ray to be performed, nothing at all"

The girl was not at all satisfied with an answer. She thought to herself that she had so many x-rays done but nothing happened like this in all these days. For a moment she felt she is not being told the truth. But nobody spoke anything at all.

As, she was made to sit on the wheelchair everybody gave her a very serious look . She was made to wait outside the room for a long while on a bed with wheels. She had all the weird thoughts going on in her mind which made no sense but somehow a huge fear creeped into her.

After a long while a nurse came and took her to the room. On seeing the room she got scared and frightened, because to her it looked like an operation theatre. The same operation theatre which she had seen in the movies on television. As she was made to lie on the bed , four doctors surrounded her. One of the doctor had an injection in the hand, she remembered of her mother and chanted the mantra which she was taught all these while.Everything went black in front of her and she went in an unconscious state.

The moment she opened her eyes she wanted to cry out for her mother but she could not as she had the oxygen mask on and the tube was into her mouth. Several hours later she asked the nurse"Why am I here, I want to see my mother,Please take me to her"
The nurse replied,"You are in the ICU, so we cannot bring in your mother but she is outside the ICU room. You are here because you had undergone a open heart surgery, but don't worry you are fine now"
"How many more days I have to be here before I can see my mother?"
"Three more days then I will myself take you out of the ICU room to her.

Three days seemed such a long while for her, most of the time she was awake, thinking and was confused why her mother lied to her, why didn't she tell the truth.
After three days went by, she was taken out of the ICU in the wheelchair. As soon she went out she saw her parents, relatives waiting outside. On seeing her mother she felt overwhelmed, happy and wanted to cry. At the same time she gave an questioning look to her mother why she said a lie to her. But, then she realized they all were in the bad situation than her they all looked so tired and worried.

She spent another 15 days in the hospital , the doctors used to come to her everyday and tell her that she was the bravest patient of all and was proud of her. She made new friends in the hospital who were patient like her. Together they talked about their experiences and was taught by everyone that one should be cheerful under all circumstances as no problems are big. The stay in the hospital made her to be more humble than before and compassionate as ever. She made a small promise to herself that she would be kind to her fellow beings and be as compassionate as possible to relieve the people from their pain.

A matter of few seconds..

It was May 2005, and I was in Bangalore doing engineering in computer science. It was a time when everybody was preparing hard to take the next big career move in form of job/higher studies. I was all engrossed in preparing for GRE. I used to go to IMS at MG road branch every weekend for taking GRE classes.

Like every other weekend, I was late and hurrying to get to the class. While waiting for the traffic to stop so that I could cross the road, I noticed an old lady driving a scooty. She looked very unstable while driving. She suddenly fell on to the road just in the front of zebra crossing and the scooty was almost on top of her.

Out of immediate reaction without thinking anything I ran towards her and she was crying in pain. I tried to pick up the scooty but it was just too heavy for me. I looked around myself there were people on their vehicle waiting for the green signal but none of them came forward to help. I tried with all my might to pick up the scooty. After a few seconds a man came running towards us who was working at the petrol pump. He picked up the scooty for us and took it to the side of the road. I lifted the lady up from the road , but she was crying out in pain when she started to walk. I was furious with the general public as none of them came forward to help even though there were many people that time.
On getting a green signal, people were starting their vehicle to go to their desired destination. It made me all the more furious -that atleast they should wait and stop for us to get to the side of the road even if they did not come forward to help. Out of anger,I showed the hand and told all of them to hold on till the time we were on the side of the road, as she was not able to walk fast.I slowly took her to the side of the road , and sat at the end of the road with her.

I gave her water to drink and she rested for a while. After few minutes she said, " I have a migraine, and I got an attack. It was paining so hard that I completely lost control of my vehicle. Thank you ".
I asked her" Are you fine now?"
"Yes, I am fine I need to sit for sometime and then I can go"
"Ok, I shall wait with you for sometime, then I shall go for my class"
We spoke nothing at all , all this while I was wondering are people are too busy in their life that they cannot take out few seconds from their day.Have we really become that immune to people in trouble?
After a while she said, " I can go now"
I asked her "Do you want me to stop an auto for you? You can keep the scooty at the petrol pump and tell the man who came to help us to keep an eye on it . You could take it later or ask somebody to take it for you"
She replied,"No, I am fine now,I can drive and also nobody is there to take my scooty so I have to take it myself."
She left, and I walked my way to the class and I was 45 minutes late. I was not bothered about those 45 minutes, I was all the time thinking that she be fine and was really hoping that general public should have more common sense and compassion for their fellow human beings. I am sure showing bit of compassion,sensitivity and care would definitely make the world better place to live.

Identity crisis

The phone rang and on picking up the call I could hear a loud sobbing of my friend.I asked her, " What happened to you? Why are you crying is everything fine?" But, she kept on sobbing and after few seconds she replied, " I want to see you, I need to talk to you."
I told her to come over, and meanwhile I was getting all anxious about her and was feeling restless.
After 20 minutes, she came into my room. On seeing me she broke down and started to cry. It made me feel more nervous and scared about the whole situation.
After a while she said, "Aumio.. my only 6 year old son.."
I asked her out of anxiety and fear, "What happened to Aumio?Please tell me."
She replied," The doctor has diagnosed that he has lost 40 percent of hearing in both the ears..I feel like a loser".
"We went to an audiologist today and we got hearing aids for him,We made him wear and he immediately removed it saying I can hear why I need this.This is making me and my husband more miserable and we just don't know how to deal with it."
This gave me a heart pain - I remembered the pain which my parents went through with their first child. It made me remember of my childhood , the complications with it and it gave me a shiver.
I told her "Come, lets go to your house I want to talk to Aumio."
"But, he will not listen to anybody."
"I will give it a try, and I am sure I can talk to him after all he loves to talk to me and he is always happy to see me."
We were on our way to her apartment, I had no idea whatto talk with the 6 year old child.I wanted him to be a strong person and not feel pity for himself.But explaining these things to 6 year old child is not that easy a task. As I even didn't understand these things at that age. I tried to remember my emotions and feelings it all came clear to me I still remember asking my parents " Why me ? What will people think, they will think I am stupid, Nobody will talk to me."
On reaching my friend's home I met her husband he was in a devastated state too. I could feel the pain they were going through as Aumio was their only child.
I asked him"Where is Aumio?"
"He is in his room and all upset and doesn't want to talk to us"
I asked them," Could I go to his room and talk for a while?"
They agreed to it and showed me the way to his room.I knocked at his door and called out "Aumio,its Mansee here, Are you busy?"
Aumio on hearing me got very excited and happy and said "When did you come? I am very upset now and I cannot play with you today"
"I came just now and why are you upset?Did somebody told you anything ?"
"Yes, my parents took me to some doctor. The Doctor tells my mom and dad that I cannot hear so they are giving me something to put in my ear to hear better.But you see, i am not wearing those now and I can listen to you. I can listen everything ,please tell them. "
"Aumio,but a doctor will not lie "
"Then how can I talk to you without those hearing aids?"
"There are some sounds you are not aware of it at all that's why you don't know. Do you remember your teacher telling to your mom that you are not able to get some of the things the teacher talks about in the class.Its all because you miss it out and don't hear certain things and you didn't realize it."
"Yes, i do remember. But..."
"What is bothering you?"
"What will my friends think of me, they will make fun of me and will laugh at me.They will think I am stupid."
"OK, So now at least you accept that you need to wear hearing aids but you are just getting scared of the people ?"
''Yes, I guess so.."
"OK, Good so first of all go get your hearing aids I want to see it how it is and how one wears it.?"
"OK, be in my room I will be back."
I was at least happy that he is taken a big step forward in accepting that he needs to wear it. I realized he is so much stronger than me at that particular age and it made me proud of him.
"Here it is, it looks so weird..."
"Wow look at that ! Yours and mine looks exactly the same,see this is one more thing we have in common now apart from playing and going to McDonald's."
He asked in a surprise way"Do you wear this weird thing?"
"Yes I do, not one but two."
"Can I see yours? But how come, I never knew about it?"
"Yes sure you can see it, but then you have to promise me that you will at least wear it and give it a try ."
"OK, I will"
"Good , see here it is! doesn't both of ours look the same?"
"Yes it does"
He gave me a serious look and asked " Didn't your friends tease you and made fun of you?"
"Yes they did"
"Didn't you get angry with them? "
" I used to be angry. There were lots of people who you used to hurt me .But, I realized they don't even know what one goes through on loosing hearing . So I thought instead of getting hurt I need to be more strong and just let it go away."
He looked up to me,It gave him the positive outlook towards the whole issue.He himself wore both the hearing aids and asked my help in fixing it properly. I felt overjoyed that he understood and took it calmly.
After he wore it , he gave me a look of nervousness which clearly showed he was asking me how to deal with this issue with other people.
I told him "Aumio, you are a very strong guy. You are even stronger than me at this age and
just remember that you are someone very special to all of us. You wearing hearing aids doesn't make you any different to your parents, and me . We still love you the way we used to and will always be there to support you and help you fight. You will find lot of people who might not be good to you need it to let it go. Always remember that you have your parents and family who love you very much."
He came forward and gave me a hug and said "Thank you, but you know these are making my ears uncomfortable."
"You will get used to it,give your ears some time."
He exclaimed,"Oh wait! I am going to show it to my mom and dad that I am wearing my hearing aids."
I told him "Go ahead, I will follow you ."
On seeing me, my friend got overwhelmed and was overjoyed , I gave her a smile but didn't say anything much as the whole talk made me so exhausted and weak for a while.
I asked her if she could drop me back to my home as I have my exam the very next day.Before going I called out to Aumio and told him " If you want to talk to me, you have my cellphone number call me whenever you want."
My friend dropped me home, while getting out of the car she said "Thank you, you have done something which I cannot repay you back in any form ".
I just gave her a smile and told her"Take care".

Hear me out

Hear me out - I dont need advices, but you are giving me advices. You start to tell me why I shouldn't be this,or shouldn't feel that way. You are confusing my feelings and making me more miserable;Listen! All I ask from you is listen to me. Don't talk or do anything- just hear me till the end. Listen to my mixed feelings once I am done - then, please help me to comprehend my feelings.

Just has to be felt..

Like most of my busy days when I starve for 25 th hr in a days time I came across a particular day which I still think about it off and on. I was on my way to check the mail box to see If I recieved any mails and meanwhile my mind was struggling so hard to plan out the whole schedule for a day.As I was nearing the place , I could hear the happy sounds of laughing, flirting and chattering.This hall is a busiest hall in whole of university campus as it connects to cafetaria, tunnels, mailbox room and all the residences.
On reaching there, I saw a group of students full of life and enjoying a lot. All of them looked like a first /second year undergraduate students. Since,I am always curious of whats happening around me so I took a glance towards them to see whats going on. I saw a young boy with a stick in his hand with his back was towards me and he was surrounded by the group of students.
I couldnt figure out what was the fun thing happening and thus, proceeded to check my mails. I had few mails and while staring at the envelopes to see where it is from and again I could hear a very hard and a loud laugh.
I could not resist myself and went out there to see whats happening. On glancing I saw a same young boy with the stick walking in small circle around the corner of the hall. On his left side was a wall and right side a big garbage can and he was trying to do something.
For 2 mintues I looked at him trying to see and understand whats going on and I realized he is blind and was looking for his way. Since he had wall and the garbage can at his side he got confused and didnt understand how to find his way out.I am sure he was trying very hard for past 10 minutes.
This made me really furious and I fumed me up to a great extent. I shouted aloud at the group of firangi students and told them - " What the hell is so funny about it? Cant anyone of you go and help that person out?You guys have all the time to do nonsense ! " There was a pin drop silence all laughing and chattering stopped and everybody was staring at me but I could still hear the clanking noise of the stick.
I went up to the person and asked him where he wants to go. I could feel he was all miserable and upset from his voice when he said "I want to go to Common Residence lobby".
I took him where he wanted to go and he told me "Thanks,,But you shouldnt have shouted at them" I looked at him in a surprised way and asked "How come you know that I shouted ?"
He told me "Because I recogonoized your voice very well when you asked me where I have to go"
I asked "And ,why you think that I should have not shouted at them ?"
He told me " There are some things which you cannot teach people, it comes to them naturally only If they can feel it and understand it. So how much ever you shout at them no use, and I am sure you came forward because of the same reason."
After few seconds of silence he said "I have to go as I am hungry and I will always remember you. It was really nice talking to you."
I told him " Same here, It was really nice meeting you" and we seprated our way. I came back to the same hall and I found same group of students laughing and chatting on their own as If nothing had happened. I guess he was right there are somethings which cannot be taught it just has to be felt and understood.