Live, Love and Laugh

Mermaid Life !

2012-01-12T12:45:00.000-08:00

Cold Water shivers my spine
Yet, excite in me- a mermaid
Drifting gradually
Seaward and deep
Against the bubbly trail
Into the clear blue water
Warm and silent,
Swirled by my breath and heartbeats
Sunlight fades, and vision darkens
In a split second,
Witnessed hundred of glowing path
By colourful scales exotic fishes’
That lights up a way to
Starless earth on to the white sand
Wiggling jelly fishes,
Fragile green dancing on coral reef
Shining pearl, and stones
Slow sea turtles and mysterious life
Unknown and yet glamorous
Oceanic life of smiling Vishnu
And, finally steadily back to the top
Of Wavy, turbulent ocean to reality
It seemed I was in a dream
that I would dare to re-live!

Wind of feeling..

2011-06-12T10:17:00.000-07:00

Soft whisper of wind
Blows the hair away
And get tangled with
Knots of emotions
Felt on a bared neck
It feel as if gust of wind
Hugs you with an open heart
Under a vast blue sky
It sees through all your thoughts
Of happiness and apprehension
And it murmurs back softly
To which I sigh peacefully that
All will be just right, and will fit in place.

Breeze of words..

2011-06-12T10:12:00.000-07:00

You breathe

Out the words

Like a fresh gentle breeze

Under the blue umbrella

Of calmness and peace

It embraces us from all side

While climbing on the

Mountain of emotions and passions

Of a new found spring

And it echoes deeply

In a meadow of soul

Until heart beats

Humble Existence

2011-05-10T08:59:00.000-07:00

Just as a small plant
Humbly bends down
by accepting the moment.
It bravely holds on
To its roots of patience
While, the enormous tree
inflexible to the span of time
Breaks down with Hardships
And floats away
Into the flood of bad times
And then comes
One fine sunny day
And a small plant
happily green sways in the wind
reminds itself and us of
A humble existence
Among the adversity of life

Genuine heart

2010-11-11T19:46:00.000-08:00

For once
it felt genuine
new, exciting.
A free heart filled with hope
as a rushing sea
Firy desires as waves
And I took a chance to surf
in the depth of hearts.

In the blink of eye
found myself
standing on the shore
out of nowhere
in silence and wondering
was that feeling a dream?
Could hear the heart break
into small pieces

Sweet talks and fights
Smiling eyes,happy heartbeats,
joyful moments shining like stars
in an open and endless heart
all becase he could tell a good lie,
convincing enough, Making me blush and giggle

With time these pieces
together will become one
as cold stone
but soft enough
for the only one to
hear the genuine heartbeat
passionate than before.

Drop of my dreams

2010-05-17T08:30:00.000-07:00

I look up at the sky
As clouds change their mood
Blue to grey, grey to black
And, in no time,
It bursts out with rain

I race against the drop
Out to an open,
Before, it reaches the ground.
As the first rain drop
Falls on my face
It tickles me hard,
With feeling of chilliness
And my soul spins in laughter

Along with a new found song
Which I sing out to the clouds
It takes me away,
Beyond, and above the worldly tussle
The sky roars and reminds
Me of my dreams, wishes and my loved ones.

Threading water of thoughts
Trickling through the heart
All crystal clear
As a free-flowing rain
The enlightenment dwells
And the vast sky changes its mood
Back to blue, feeling of calmness.

Winds of Change

2010-05-06T11:18:00.000-07:00

Whirl winds,

Blow the trumpet,

Make the way, as,

“Change is on its way”.

It roars and howls,

Not to go against the change

As, it will still the pace of life,

And the time lost, is intense.

Go along with it,

Strike it back with new dreams,

New thoughts, and beliefs.

You will run with swiftness,

Never known and realized before.

Yet, roaring of wind is never ending,

It blows from nowhere, and anywhere.

Holding on to nothing,

Except the feeling of hope,

To be able to live a life full of love,

kindness, and feeling of empathy

Rhythmic gaze

2010-04-28T08:55:00.000-07:00

Saw those
Twinkling eyes,full of life,
Tender and mystifying,
As gentle as fresh, dew drops.
They sparkle with an innocent smile,
And its shine lit up my soul,
Bright enough,
To drown in its intense laughing gaze.
It stills the time, and takes away fears,
As our gaze dances in rhythm,
To speak lost words, otherwise unknown.

Captured painting

2010-04-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

I am a painting,
Captured on a canvas,
Caught in a still life,
And Standing out bold,
With feminine tones and shimmering.
Surrounded with shadows,
Or, in colors of life,
Known, and mystifying.
My price would be to know me,
And the artist would have been you.
As you, the artist only knows,
Where to stroke the brush,
Gently with love,
And fill it with colors of my soul,
With no superfluous strokes,
To let me be free;
And to make the painting complete.

My money

2010-03-24T14:25:00.000-07:00

As a child I thought I am rich
As I have a money plant
To pluck my money from
For my Rita orange ice-cream
Parle-G and Coffee Bite.

Every morning with care
I kept my plant under the sun,
Gave water ,fertilizer and
with all my love patted the leaves,
And went to school.

I learnt history and geography,
And I taught my teacher
About money plant,
She looked at me, patted my cheeks
And said it is so not true.

Back to home after school,
With no mind for homework and my afternoon nap
and gave company to my plant,
thinking it requires love and fondness.
I looked closely at the leaves
If it is bearing my money?

Days passed by
But my faith unshaken,
Until one day my mom said
your teacher has complained
that you have not been doing homework.

I told my mom I was busy
My surprised mom asked me why and how?
I told her about the money plant, and my belief
Thereafter she took me on her lap
And explained me the reality.

Reality was so different from what I thought,
But still my mind was not ready to accept,
As name “money plant” ,
must have been given for some reason.

Years passed by, until today,
On my way back to home from office
I saw a big money plant,
and I remembered my belief
Only this time I knew it was not possible!

Lost song

2010-03-19T12:32:00.000-07:00

Out of the blue,
Playing on the radio,
Familiar tune,
And back in time, in seconds.
Listened with eyes closed,
Body singing along in passionate rhythm,
And heard 'that' one song.
That lost song,
Stills the time,
Reminds you of that one day,
that one memory
Sudden rush of feelings otherwise lost.
And makes you re-live a moment.
Heart feels new and beat refreshed with rhythm
That lost song puts a smile on your face,
Soul feels calm and,
Gives the courage to move on with life.

Tum saath nahi ho

2010-02-26T09:17:00.000-08:00

Tum saath nahi ho
Par Saath hai tumhari yaadein
Samay tham sa gaya hai
Har ek beeta lamha
saya ban ke reh gaya hai.

Woh saya
Ek sundar khayal hai
Har beete pal ka nagma hai
Jiska roop mere dil mein sama hai.

Jidhar bhi jati hoon
tumhari parchai saath chalti hai
Har gharee ehsaas dialti hai
Hum tum ek jaan hai

Behti hawa ne chua hai
Meethi Barish ne yad dilaya hai
Gili mithi ki mehak ne
Tumhari kami ka ehsaas dilaya hai
Garajti asmaan keh jati hai
Meri bechan bahri kahaniya

Tum saath nahi ho toh
Zindagi ki dhun adhoori si hai
Jisme na koi tarang hai
Tanhai mein man machalta hai
Sang rahne ko jee chahta hai
Har beete hue pal ko
Naye tarah se jeene ki aah karta hai

Intezar hai us haseen pal ka
Jab tum thamoge haath mera,
Tere bina raha jaye na
Chaya rahe andhera
Apne is pyaar ki ujalon se
Basayenge hum apni rangeen duniya.
Dekhega jamana pyaar humara
Rahegi sadiyon tak humari kahaniyaan

hum dil de tum bill dena

2010-02-09T09:09:00.000-08:00

Yeh mausam aur ye doori...
Yeh doori aur yeh mausam...
Uff! Doori ka ehsas ab sataane laga hai,
tere sang, har beeti har ek lamha yaad ane laga hai!

Dil ki tu hi hai ek tamanna,
Tu aaye ya na aaye tera call ajaye.
Jaise hi baje mere cell ki ring "chuma chuma de de!"
Dhakano ka metre daudne laga hai,
PT usha se bhi tez daudune laga hai!

Agar network ki batti naa gul ho jati,
Toh hoti khatti meethi baatein.
Saari raat, poora din
jagte , sote
khate, peete,
loo karte, snan karte.

Aur bill aane ki parwah na karte,
Jab tak credit card na ho jata fill,
Ya connection na ho jata kill,
Ya TV par naa aa rahi hoti Kill Bill!

Agar tum hote pass aur na hoti doori,
Toh karte hum talk when we walk,
Na hota network problem, aur na ek kilometre lamba bill.
Toh tumse karte talk on and on jab tak na hota sar dard,
Pyar hai tumse itna ki sar dard se bhi ladh jaate,
zhandu balm laga kar karte tum se khoob sari baatein.

lekin ab na hoga humara jeena phone ke sahare,
ab hume rehna hai sang- sang,
saath saath beete din aur raate
Aur is tarah kat jaati humari poori zindagi

Toh gaate hai ek romantic song aur kar dete hai parda band
Dekho baag mein phool khile, aur muasam ho gaya rangeen
ab na rahi yeh dooriyan aur woh mausam
aur gaye mera dil waah dil-e-taaj waaah , yeh hui na baat!!

Right Picture

2010-01-29T16:40:00.000-08:00

Chasing behind,
Inquisitive desires,
To fulfill the heart wishes.
But doubts run faster,
With overwhelming questions.
Viscous and never-ending,
Thoughts are painted,
On an empty canvas mind.
Soul feels numb and twitchy,
With bubbling colorful emotions.
Some thoughts are clear, some are hidden.
Some are smudged, and some unknown,
Some needs time, and some have pasts time
Some needy, and some free
And the heart echoes,
You wish, and you wonder
When will the chase end?
Free yourself from,
Rope of uncertainties.
And for once
Loyally pursue your heart
No matter what,
And you will have canvas
With just a right picture.

One and Only

2010-01-12T20:36:00.000-08:00

Life is a butterfly
Seemingly delicate,
Dazzling and colorful.
Flying high and sailing,
In the vicinity of red lilies,
Moving swift and looking yonder.
The true intensity of her power,
Charms many, and kindles their spirit,
Unknown to all,
But, only one sweet special lily,
Experiences her intense passion.

Comforting Snow

2009-12-27T22:51:00.000-08:00

Falls from the Endless sky,

Out from the folded clouds

Snow - a thousand white flowers.

Silently and softly,

Showered from the heavens beyond

Each snowflake is a falling star

Expression of smiling beauty sent from afar

Innocent, pretty and a gentle whisper to humanity below

It is the touch of those who love us

It is the significance of all that is around us

And I feel miraculous warmth in my heart

The comfort, which is indefinable

That Comfort of feeling secure with the people who love me

Of those who I cherish,

Knowing they will be always there for me.

Cup of Memories

2009-12-19T23:04:00.000-08:00

An evening over a cup of coffee
Stirring in amusement and quest
Sipping and taking a moment.
Takes me to the sands of time,
Pieces of life that breathe on and will never fade.
Memories to glance at with curiosity,
Memories so refreshing, and adventurous;
Memories flavoured with sweetness, warmth and togetherness,
Memories packed with love, kindness, and laughter,
Memories with a shade of hate, fights and patching up,
Memories of hardships, troubles and insecurities.
Nothing to be remorseful for or elicit joy in particular
Except to see how far we have traveled
How substantial the change has been
Feeling each sip’s aroma and its flavour,
Echoes back as long I am In touch with human needs,
Respond to my intuitions, and able to self evaluate .
I will always and forever know
That even though each day would be a new song
I can sing it with more strength and courage.

Behind the silver veil

2009-12-14T20:22:00.000-08:00

As the sun sets,
And a vast golden curtain falls down,
Courteously the colors fade to somber blue.
Graciously, mutely now the moon ,
Walk the night in her silver robe,
With a tinge of mystic blue and orange.
Along with shining pale beams which lights its way,
It smoothly sails amid the starry heaven,
Where life secrets unfold and are told.
As you peek out from the veil of the night,
As a frost of thought and pearl of delight,
It sparkles and beams into my soul.
With twirls and uncontrollable glee,
It shimmers, and my heart glimmers,
As I witness the unknown delight.
Senses shiver, and flow,
And leave me with a feeling of calmness.

All they know

2009-11-30T22:12:00.001-08:00

All they know is how not to care,
And, in the end all they do is let you down.
It jumbles my mind and makes me ask why?

Searching within the waves of memory of them,
For warmth of each ripples of recollection
But, there were no emotions and feelings anymore.

All they did is to shun you out again and again.
As they think I can’t walk away
But now I know their pretence

They should be told,
Success is not to repress others,
It is knowing you are still the same.

How do I know who to walk up to
Will they be there for me Or they fake
As my knight in shining armour

Or they will again take my heart,
and flip it around hundredth time like a ball
So, should I live in solitude?

Or learn to believe in few
Cause I know my soul
And it does not like Isolation as a song.

Trust me

2009-11-27T09:19:00.001-08:00

Trust me
As I Know the ache

Trust me
As I Know loneliness

Trust me
As I know how to care

Trust me
As I have my share of disappointment and success

Trust me
As I Know the chilly nights

Trust me
As I Know the empty heart

Trust me
As I Know your soul

Trust me
As I Know what I can give you

Trust me
As I know what your eyes say

Trust me
As I know giving up is easy

Trust me
As I Know what makes you happy

Trust me
As I Know how you feel

Trust me
As I will hold on to you

Trust me
As I know what it means

Trust me
As I can trust you completely

Sweet Laugh

2009-11-27T09:18:00.001-08:00

I dreamed a dream
Of your sweet laugh
Bold, splashing,melodious;
And, yet every chuckle filled with assurance.
With un-ending waves of glee and faith
You took away all my uneasiness
And engraved a smile deep within my soul.

Splashing Emotions

2009-11-27T09:12:00.000-08:00

Untold words

2009-10-16T12:40:00.001-07:00

Your genuine smile,
And my heart softens.
Your sparkling eyes,
Says a thousand words.
Your tender coyness,
Exposes charm and mystery.
Your long silence ends,
When my eyes meet your gaze,
And flows a gush of passion.
Your untold words articulated,
An enchanting moment without a magic spell,
Send rays of love and fondness.

Transformation

2009-10-16T12:39:00.001-07:00

With you beside me,
I can flutter with all my enthusiasm,
You seize my hand and we soar,
in all the directions unknown.
Leaving behind my fright,
Together we take a chance,
Above the clouds and gale.
Our worldly tussle and ache,
Which the twinkling sky transforms,
into the roll of calmness and security.
And if I was ever loosing assurance,
it is you that is keeping me,
from ripping myself apart.
You made my trembling soul breathe
So eternally onward I shall rise,
eternally onward I shall venture...

Assimilation in White

2009-10-16T12:38:00.000-07:00

All is on the tip of the brush,
It is a free hand and an open heart.
I have a brush for your dark corners,
Which you have filled with fear and shame.
I am here to eliminate, non-judgemental,
Nothing is hidden from me.
Glancing deep and understanding
Finding the concealed colors, rough patches,
Unknown views and perspectives.
And you say it aloud,
Paint me with life,
And paint me free.
Here the strokes go up and down,
Conversing and finding,
Subtle solutions, directions.
Color them all with neutrality.
They say it is not a color,
But all is visible in white, integrated.
Nothing is hidden or a secret.
Pure as snow white and pearly,
It is my desired vision and most humble,
White, perfect, flawless and connected.

Always, and Forever

2009-10-16T12:37:00.000-07:00

Your timid eyes expresses
Trembling and fragile grace
But, filled with immense trust.

Your care filled soul
Is as sweet as a soft melody
Which soothes my heart.

You are a treasure
Buried deep in me
Which is immeasurable.

My heart flutters wildly
And glows mystically
As you let me be, what I am.

A gentle smile of yours
Sends shivers down my spine
And makes my life worth while

I shall paint these feelings
With colorful emotions
Always, and Forever for eternity.

Golden Dawn

2009-04-04T21:40:00.000-07:00

I walk on beside the rainbow,
And the Wind blows my hair in a hue delight.
My gaze could find you from far away,
Making me smile and chuckle in glee.
Happy is my blissful soul on seeing you.

This being the start of the golden dawn.
A harmony together preserved with one will.
Still liberated, complete, and free.
Yet, all my heart's fondness would be for you.

Cannot assure you a life of sunshine;
As at times this gentle bond may split,
But a fresh one forms and flows behind it,
To bind us more closer and keep us strong

Walking together this path of life
And finding strength in each other
Together we resist every bend,
Treasuring the wonders of life,
And understanding the beauty of fulfilment.

A change..

2008-11-01T21:23:00.000-07:00

Even if you do not say a single word,

the pure crystal blue orbs says it all to me,

Its glow and intensity shine with emotions.

Feelings which you were aware and unware of,

Posing intense questions and demanding answers,

For life being unfair and when nothing look so clear.

With a thought to what you sought for,

Wipe away all the regrets that was once knotted,

Look inside you and realise your true self.

Welcome a change; a change for your good,

Kiss away all the comfort to become a new you,

Even though knowing this new change will hurt,

The mind thinks a change Is painful,

and the heart feels a change Is powerful.

Seek all the strength and compassion.

Don't resist; Be flexible. Don't be rigid; Be supple,

To be able to deal life as graciously you can,

and search tirelessly for meaning,truth and desire.

With all your heart

2008-05-09T21:03:00.000-07:00

Laugh out with all your heart,
in a teasing, tender , loud, or a quiet way.
It is one of the pure form of magic.
A sign of positive acceptance,
winning young and old hearts.
A new beginning of friendship,
with an end to hatred and pain;
It leads to the path of forgiveness,
which save us from painful situations.
It spread out joy and euphoria,
making the soul dance on its own song;
which is expressed through a smile,
and outweighs all the other emotions.

Compassion

2008-03-22T12:20:00.000-07:00

Everything feels so nice and so right,
Few words of some praise, fills us with delight.
A smile goes a long way to make one feel at ease,
Every little deed of kindness does not go unaware.
A form of faith, a feeling of empathy, renews the humanity.
A warm feeling of Compassion is all one needs and looks for.

Together

2008-01-16T08:35:00.000-08:00

Even if we are not together,
A thousand miles apart ;
Never ever a second went by,

Without you in my thoughts.

My thoughts are the proof of faithfulness.

In return all I ask is a loyalty from you.

Soon will this distance be none,

and we will share our life together;

We will have special plans just for us;

which we will achieve them one by one,

And make our dreams come true.

If ever things go wrong,
I assure you I would never leave;
As It is still afresh in my mind,
what bought me close to you initially.
It was as Soft as a gentle breeze,
you had silently crept into my heart.

I will make you smile,

When you would get mad at me.

I want you to know that I truly do care,

Even in fights when I say things that aren't fair.

Just because you mean the world to me.

Together we would grow old,

As the best is yet to happen.

Years will come, years will pass;

But you would still make me sigh,

And fall in love with you every day.

Fear..

2007-10-27T23:24:00.000-07:00

She opened her eyes and found herself to be in the hospital room, in Chennai Apollo hospital. She was 10 years old, and didn't understand why she was there. Her parents looked at her with sympathy and felt helpless.

"Why am I here? I don't like this place can we go out of here?"

Her mother said," Just for few days you have to be here, some medical checkups have to performed. Nothing has happened to you."

"Why cannot we come to the hospital everyday and get the check-up done instead of staying here? Also, I heard the food is not good in the hospital."

"Just few days more my dear child, the doctor want to keep you under observation for some days so that's why you are here"

A nurse came up to her with a big injection and a girl screamed out ,"I cannot take this injection,it so big". Her mother said,"You will not realize the pain lets the say devi mantra together". Everyday she had few tests and some injections followed by the rounds of mantra.Every few hours the doctor came up to her and asked how is she doing.

A week passed by with so many injections and medicines, and everyday she heard from her mother,"Just few more days then we can go home."

One early morning, around 4:00 she was awaken up by her mother. As she opened her eyes she found the nurse, doctor, her father, and a few relatives. The nurse was putting the medicine on her chest and the girl wondered what happened as everybody looked grim , and she asked her mother"What happened, why everybody is here so early ?"

"Just a X-Ray to be performed, nothing at all"

The girl was not at all satisfied with an answer. She thought to herself that she had so many x-rays done but nothing happened like this in all these days. For a moment she felt she is not being told the truth. But nobody spoke anything at all.

As, she was made to sit on the wheelchair everybody gave her a very serious look . She was made to wait outside the room for a long while on a bed with wheels. She had all the weird thoughts going on in her mind which made no sense but somehow a huge fear creeped into her.

After a long while a nurse came and took her to the room. On seeing the room she got scared and frightened, because to her it looked like an operation theatre. The same operation theatre which she had seen in the movies on television. As she was made to lie on the bed , four doctors surrounded her. One of the doctor had an injection in the hand, she remembered of her mother and chanted the mantra which she was taught all these while.Everything went black in front of her and she went in an unconscious state.

The moment she opened her eyes she wanted to cry out for her mother but she could not as she had the oxygen mask on and the tube was into her mouth. Several hours later she asked the nurse"Why am I here, I want to see my mother,Please take me to her"
The nurse replied,"You are in the ICU, so we cannot bring in your mother but she is outside the ICU room. You are here because you had undergone a open heart surgery, but don't worry you are fine now"
"How many more days I have to be here before I can see my mother?"
"Three more days then I will myself take you out of the ICU room to her.

Three days seemed such a long while for her, most of the time she was awake, thinking and was confused why her mother lied to her, why didn't she tell the truth.
After three days went by, she was taken out of the ICU in the wheelchair. As soon she went out she saw her parents, relatives waiting outside. On seeing her mother she felt overwhelmed, happy and wanted to cry. At the same time she gave an questioning look to her mother why she said a lie to her. But, then she realized they all were in the bad situation than her they all looked so tired and worried.

She spent another 15 days in the hospital , the doctors used to come to her everyday and tell her that she was the bravest patient of all and was proud of her. She made new friends in the hospital who were patient like her. Together they talked about their experiences and was taught by everyone that one should be cheerful under all circumstances as no problems are big. The stay in the hospital made her to be more humble than before and compassionate as ever. She made a small promise to herself that she would be kind to her fellow beings and be as compassionate as possible to relieve the people from their pain.

A matter of few seconds..

2007-10-27T22:04:00.000-07:00

It was May 2005, and I was in Bangalore doing engineering in computer science. It was a time when everybody was preparing hard to take the next big career move in form of job/higher studies. I was all engrossed in preparing for GRE. I used to go to IMS at MG road branch every weekend for taking GRE classes.

Like every other weekend, I was late and hurrying to get to the class. While waiting for the traffic to stop so that I could cross the road, I noticed an old lady driving a scooty. She looked very unstable while driving. She suddenly fell on to the road just in the front of zebra crossing and the scooty was almost on top of her.

Out of immediate reaction without thinking anything I ran towards her and she was crying in pain. I tried to pick up the scooty but it was just too heavy for me. I looked around myself there were people on their vehicle waiting for the green signal but none of them came forward to help. I tried with all my might to pick up the scooty. After a few seconds a man came running towards us who was working at the petrol pump. He picked up the scooty for us and took it to the side of the road. I lifted the lady up from the road , but she was crying out in pain when she started to walk. I was furious with the general public as none of them came forward to help even though there were many people that time.
On getting a green signal, people were starting their vehicle to go to their desired destination. It made me all the more furious -that atleast they should wait and stop for us to get to the side of the road even if they did not come forward to help. Out of anger,I showed the hand and told all of them to hold on till the time we were on the side of the road, as she was not able to walk fast.I slowly took her to the side of the road , and sat at the end of the road with her.

I gave her water to drink and she rested for a while. After few minutes she said, " I have a migraine, and I got an attack. It was paining so hard that I completely lost control of my vehicle. Thank you ".
I asked her" Are you fine now?"
"Yes, I am fine I need to sit for sometime and then I can go"
"Ok, I shall wait with you for sometime, then I shall go for my class"
We spoke nothing at all , all this while I was wondering are people are too busy in their life that they cannot take out few seconds from their day.Have we really become that immune to people in trouble?
After a while she said, " I can go now"
I asked her "Do you want me to stop an auto for you? You can keep the scooty at the petrol pump and tell the man who came to help us to keep an eye on it . You could take it later or ask somebody to take it for you"
She replied,"No, I am fine now,I can drive and also nobody is there to take my scooty so I have to take it myself."
She left, and I walked my way to the class and I was 45 minutes late. I was not bothered about those 45 minutes, I was all the time thinking that she be fine and was really hoping that general public should have more common sense and compassion for their fellow human beings. I am sure showing bit of compassion,sensitivity and care would definitely make the world better place to live.

Identity crisis

2007-10-20T02:22:00.000-07:00

The phone rang and on picking up the call I could hear a loud sobbing of my friend.I asked her, " What happened to you? Why are you crying is everything fine?" But, she kept on sobbing and after few seconds she replied, " I want to see you, I need to talk to you."
I told her to come over, and meanwhile I was getting all anxious about her and was feeling restless.
After 20 minutes, she came into my room. On seeing me she broke down and started to cry. It made me feel more nervous and scared about the whole situation.
After a while she said, "Aumio.. my only 6 year old son.."
I asked her out of anxiety and fear, "What happened to Aumio?Please tell me."
She replied," The doctor has diagnosed that he has lost 40 percent of hearing in both the ears..I feel like a loser".
"We went to an audiologist today and we got hearing aids for him,We made him wear and he immediately removed it saying I can hear why I need this.This is making me and my husband more miserable and we just don't know how to deal with it."
This gave me a heart pain - I remembered the pain which my parents went through with their first child. It made me remember of my childhood , the complications with it and it gave me a shiver.
I told her "Come, lets go to your house I want to talk to Aumio."
"But, he will not listen to anybody."
"I will give it a try, and I am sure I can talk to him after all he loves to talk to me and he is always happy to see me."
We were on our way to her apartment, I had no idea whatto talk with the 6 year old child.I wanted him to be a strong person and not feel pity for himself.But explaining these things to 6 year old child is not that easy a task. As I even didn't understand these things at that age. I tried to remember my emotions and feelings it all came clear to me I still remember asking my parents " Why me ? What will people think, they will think I am stupid, Nobody will talk to me."
On reaching my friend's home I met her husband he was in a devastated state too. I could feel the pain they were going through as Aumio was their only child.
I asked him"Where is Aumio?"
"He is in his room and all upset and doesn't want to talk to us"
I asked them," Could I go to his room and talk for a while?"
They agreed to it and showed me the way to his room.I knocked at his door and called out "Aumio,its Mansee here, Are you busy?"
Aumio on hearing me got very excited and happy and said "When did you come? I am very upset now and I cannot play with you today"
"I came just now and why are you upset?Did somebody told you anything ?"
"Yes, my parents took me to some doctor. The Doctor tells my mom and dad that I cannot hear so they are giving me something to put in my ear to hear better.But you see, i am not wearing those now and I can listen to you. I can listen everything ,please tell them. "
"Aumio,but a doctor will not lie "
"Then how can I talk to you without those hearing aids?"
"There are some sounds you are not aware of it at all that's why you don't know. Do you remember your teacher telling to your mom that you are not able to get some of the things the teacher talks about in the class.Its all because you miss it out and don't hear certain things and you didn't realize it."
"Yes, i do remember. But..."
"What is bothering you?"
"What will my friends think of me, they will make fun of me and will laugh at me.They will think I am stupid."
"OK, So now at least you accept that you need to wear hearing aids but you are just getting scared of the people ?"
''Yes, I guess so.."
"OK, Good so first of all go get your hearing aids I want to see it how it is and how one wears it.?"
"OK, be in my room I will be back."
I was at least happy that he is taken a big step forward in accepting that he needs to wear it. I realized he is so much stronger than me at that particular age and it made me proud of him.
"Here it is, it looks so weird..."
"Wow look at that ! Yours and mine looks exactly the same,see this is one more thing we have in common now apart from playing and going to McDonald's."
He asked in a surprise way"Do you wear this weird thing?"
"Yes I do, not one but two."
"Can I see yours? But how come, I never knew about it?"
"Yes sure you can see it, but then you have to promise me that you will at least wear it and give it a try ."
"OK, I will"
"Good , see here it is! doesn't both of ours look the same?"
"Yes it does"
He gave me a serious look and asked " Didn't your friends tease you and made fun of you?"
"Yes they did"
"Didn't you get angry with them? "
" I used to be angry. There were lots of people who you used to hurt me .But, I realized they don't even know what one goes through on loosing hearing . So I thought instead of getting hurt I need to be more strong and just let it go away."
He looked up to me,It gave him the positive outlook towards the whole issue.He himself wore both the hearing aids and asked my help in fixing it properly. I felt overjoyed that he understood and took it calmly.
After he wore it , he gave me a look of nervousness which clearly showed he was asking me how to deal with this issue with other people.
I told him "Aumio, you are a very strong guy. You are even stronger than me at this age and
just remember that you are someone very special to all of us. You wearing hearing aids doesn't make you any different to your parents, and me . We still love you the way we used to and will always be there to support you and help you fight. You will find lot of people who might not be good to you need it to let it go. Always remember that you have your parents and family who love you very much."
He came forward and gave me a hug and said "Thank you, but you know these are making my ears uncomfortable."
"You will get used to it,give your ears some time."
He exclaimed,"Oh wait! I am going to show it to my mom and dad that I am wearing my hearing aids."
I told him "Go ahead, I will follow you ."
On seeing me, my friend got overwhelmed and was overjoyed , I gave her a smile but didn't say anything much as the whole talk made me so exhausted and weak for a while.
I asked her if she could drop me back to my home as I have my exam the very next day.Before going I called out to Aumio and told him " If you want to talk to me, you have my cellphone number call me whenever you want."
My friend dropped me home, while getting out of the car she said "Thank you, you have done something which I cannot repay you back in any form ".
I just gave her a smile and told her"Take care".

Hear me out

2007-10-17T22:14:00.001-07:00

Hear me out - I dont need advices, but you are giving me advices. You start to tell me why I shouldn't be this,or shouldn't feel that way. You are confusing my feelings and making me more miserable;Listen! All I ask from you is listen to me. Don't talk or do anything- just hear me till the end. Listen to my mixed feelings once I am done - then, please help me to comprehend my feelings.

Just has to be felt..

2007-10-16T07:16:00.000-07:00

Like most of my busy days when I starve for 25 th hr in a days time I came across a particular day which I still think about it off and on. I was on my way to check the mail box to see If I recieved any mails and meanwhile my mind was struggling so hard to plan out the whole schedule for a day.As I was nearing the place , I could hear the happy sounds of laughing, flirting and chattering.This hall is a busiest hall in whole of university campus as it connects to cafetaria, tunnels, mailbox room and all the residences.
On reaching there, I saw a group of students full of life and enjoying a lot. All of them looked like a first /second year undergraduate students. Since,I am always curious of whats happening around me so I took a glance towards them to see whats going on. I saw a young boy with a stick in his hand with his back was towards me and he was surrounded by the group of students.
I couldnt figure out what was the fun thing happening and thus, proceeded to check my mails. I had few mails and while staring at the envelopes to see where it is from and again I could hear a very hard and a loud laugh.
I could not resist myself and went out there to see whats happening. On glancing I saw a same young boy with the stick walking in small circle around the corner of the hall. On his left side was a wall and right side a big garbage can and he was trying to do something.
For 2 mintues I looked at him trying to see and understand whats going on and I realized he is blind and was looking for his way. Since he had wall and the garbage can at his side he got confused and didnt understand how to find his way out.I am sure he was trying very hard for past 10 minutes.
This made me really furious and I fumed me up to a great extent. I shouted aloud at the group of firangi students and told them - " What the hell is so funny about it? Cant anyone of you go and help that person out?You guys have all the time to do nonsense ! " There was a pin drop silence all laughing and chattering stopped and everybody was staring at me but I could still hear the clanking noise of the stick.
I went up to the person and asked him where he wants to go. I could feel he was all miserable and upset from his voice when he said "I want to go to Common Residence lobby".
I took him where he wanted to go and he told me "Thanks,,But you shouldnt have shouted at them" I looked at him in a surprised way and asked "How come you know that I shouted ?"
He told me "Because I recogonoized your voice very well when you asked me where I have to go"
I asked "And ,why you think that I should have not shouted at them ?"
He told me " There are some things which you cannot teach people, it comes to them naturally only If they can feel it and understand it. So how much ever you shout at them no use, and I am sure you came forward because of the same reason."
After few seconds of silence he said "I have to go as I am hungry and I will always remember you. It was really nice talking to you."
I told him " Same here, It was really nice meeting you" and we seprated our way. I came back to the same hall and I found same group of students laughing and chatting on their own as If nothing had happened. I guess he was right there are somethings which cannot be taught it just has to be felt and understood.

No time?

2007-09-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

Racing against time,
all the time whining;
no time for this, no time for that.
No time,and so much to do.

Walking on the path of life,
acting like a stranger to the people I know,
Just because I have no time for them;
No time to spread a word of cheer.

Bending down before a God ;
No time now, to pray much.
Hurrying to get back to work,
As Bills would be here soon.
which has to be paid on time.

And in no time ageing everything;
Wrinkling a young face, with old age.
Looking around myself and finding nobody,
Nothing can be done,as i have no more time.

Here I am at the gates of heaven,
Here is the God looking at me;
Glancing at the book of my life,
Silent he is, grim he looks.
Shivering with fear,trying to remember,
what wrong I have done, but I have no time now.

What have you done with time I gave you,
Not a single good deed you have done.
Whatever you did was all for yourself.
Oh, So selfish you have become
You had no time to spend a moment with them,
but you had all the time to be greedy.

Here comes the realization late but yet learned;
It’s the little things I had to do,
to show my love, kindness and moral support.
My selfless deeds aiding those in need,
A few words and some care,
would have brought a ray of hope in their life.
My courage and faith would have never run short!
Instead it would grow more with the love i could receive
Just a few minutes of my time spent with them ,
would have made me rich forever.

All I want

2007-09-19T18:45:00.000-07:00

All I want is a honesty ,
The honesty we both deserve;
Which brings in the special glow.
Be not afraid of who you are to me,
I in return will make the best I see;
All I want is you to understand,
That I do believe in you completely.

New Life

2007-09-09T13:38:00.001-07:00

Little one on its way,
getting bigger every second.
Bonding us all in our lifetimes,
as the two of us become three.

Finally Glad you are here,
With special hope you bought.
The mystery of life so sacred and sweet,
All precious and priceless.

Life is changed, but that's just perfect;
It's fun to spend glad hours each day.
Taking time for all the good,
That comes along with parenthood.

The Innocent smile and look,
So lovable and adorable.
Two tiny feet; waving into the air,
A miracle you are.

I watched a little face sleeping,
holding your small hand in mine,
five little fingers on each hand,
slipping and hanging onto mine.

The time before you knew my voice
Seemed such a long, long while.
I couldn't wait for you to roll,
And then to sit and clap.
And now you're off and crawling,
Not helpless in my lap.

With the blink of eye,
the time flew away,
You're growing so fast,
Just yesterday I could feel you move inside me.
Waiting nine months to see you,
And a lifetime to enjoy.

How lucky I have become,
to be the chosen one,
for a child like you.
You gave me the happiness,
and joy to be able to love you.
I thank the heavens for giving me you!

Passport aka identity

2007-08-06T11:06:00.000-07:00

I was standing in a queue at Indian Embassy in Toronto, to get my Indian passport renewed. I was almost waiting for 2 hours, but the excitement of going back and meeting my people weighed down all my waiting hours.

I looked around myself and found Indians everywhere,a TV showing the advertisement where a newly wed daughter calling her dad silently from the kitchen asking how to make chole (channa)and her dad tells her the magic of Garam Masala[:p] , children getting scolded for not obeying their elders,Old people narrating their experiences to the people sitting beside them, women knitting sweaters and gossiping,and above all Indian officials shouting out the numbers of the respective people.

An old person came up to me and asked me a favor to write his address on the self-addressed envelope as he had forgot his glasses.After writing for him, he told me " Sukhi raho" :D

For a while all was calm and peaceful even among this shouting and chaos.Out of sudden, I could hear a screaming of a lady and bad words being used. As I turned my head to see who she was .I saw a beautiful Indian lady wearing a cream colour skirt, with brown shirt and high heels.For a while, I wondered what happened to her?

She was coming towards me with her face red and all angry, I thought she is going to eat me up .I was really thinking that time have I done something bad- but I couldn't think of any!.It was looking exactly as I am holding a red cloth and a bull is running towards it.

Finally she was face to face with me-and said "What the hell these Indians they think of themselves?"

I said "Excuse me? I didn't get you?"

She said,"Indian people are rubbish and filthy"

I said " How can you say that, after all you are also an Indian."

She gave me a really bad stare and opened her purse. She was looking for something very aggressively.
After 2 minutes she showed me her Canadian passport and said" huh! I am no more an Indian I am Canadian , look at my passport.!!! "

She handed me her passport and I found this act of her weird and I told her " Come on, this is a passport, a paper cannot change your identity."

"Number 121 , Please come to counter 4. Number 121..121"

That was my number being called. I told her " I have to go, that's my number."

After getting my Indian passport renewed , I looked out for a lady with whom I was talking to. I couldn't find her and I really wanted to know what made her say that!If I find her ever in the street of Toronto I would certainly ask her about it.

The hidden power

2007-07-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

The biggest power of all,
showing endless possibilities.
I, you and they have it too.
Hidden deep within us,to be used.
None other than Imagination.

Endless thoughts , just like mud;
some wobbled and wriggled;
some exciting and adventurous.
Desperately needing a shape,
waiting to be experienced.
And understood just by using,
None other than imagination.

Perceive the thoughts,
Let it nourish, beautify them.
A big freedom, Nobody can snatch it.
All waiting to be used by us,
None other than imagination.

Come and fly among your desires,
Clothes the mind with wings , and slowly raise it.
And off you go to seek life you want for a moment.
Look below from the eye of soul
The whole world is in your hands
Create it,cherish it,hate it or love it.
Mould it in the way which makes you smile
Its yours,nobody can suppress it.But,
None other than imagination.

Hope

2007-05-03T21:26:00.000-07:00

It is a hope I despair for,
Plunged into the darkness,
And spent some time there.

I got no answers,
No calm, no peace;
And forgot how to smile,
I got more scared.

What held me there?
A voice echoed back at me.
However dark and passionate is your plight,
The choice of happiness is always yours.

In a Friend I can see a second self

2006-12-12T00:56:00.000-08:00

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."- Anais Nin

Four years ago!!!.... Bangalore ...hmm....MG road, Commercial street, those steps where we sat together checking out guys..making fun...of each other....is something which I will always cherish. Was it that I liked bangalore as a city or I liked bangalore because of my friends and my loved ones...??When I think of bangalore, I remember my friends. If I remember of any place in Bangalore I remember the fun I had at that place with them.Life was so beautiful and sweet to me!!

We've gone our own ways and I know its for the best, but sometimes I wonder will I ever have a friend like you again?" -Blink 182

Now, I am in a completely different city far away from India in Ottawa, Canada. This city is really beautiful and awesome compared to bangalore. But no friends, with whom I can have fun, hang out and sit on the steps to check out guys.... ;)
What am I going to do here...was such a big question for me when I landed up here. I was so skeptic about everything and questions on questions were coming out. It was just because, the feeling of insecurity was suppressing my other emotions and was this all because there were no friends?? Oh yes!!! definitely....This made me realize with friends you can be yourself with no worries and tensions...!!

During my first month in Ottawa I remember walking on the Rideau street which I found to be the most beautiful part of this city. Wherever I looked around I found that I don't know anybody and I felt like where have I landed up?? It gave me such a miserable feeling...I could see people with friends and laughing together having fun....well I could sense I was feeling big time jealous...!! That joy of sharing happiness, excitement, love was almost null for me.Nobody was there to whom I could tell my simple thoughts like , "hey...this is so nice!!! , Oh! I love it!! "

“If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself alone. A man should keep his friendships in constant repair.” ~Samuel Johnson

I have been here for four months now. They say that God is watching upon you all the time...and whola....I met couple of good friends. They made this city more beautiful for me and which I will always cherish and that joy of sharing feelings, emotions and love is infinite!!! :)

Today after a long time I went on the same street again but this time with my friends and that road with beautiful buildings, decorations were looking more beautiful than before. Everything was looking so new and this was just because there was a sharing of feelings, emotions and love...and above all the feeling of security.

This made me realize that friends are the most wonderful treasure anybody can have..I do have a small world which consist of my friends which I treasure them and with whom I can be myself without fear for anything..

This is just a toast for all my friends and to let you all know that I really love you and always will cherish these beautiful bonds we share…

"I think about you all the time, but I don't need the same."- Goo Goo Dolls